Ren. 20. HI grown. I'm just trying to figure out what really matters in life.

 

02

I hate my apartment… The walls are so thin. I am currently sitting my living room trying to knock out some of these essays I should have written earlier in the week and I can’t concentrate. Not because I’m trying to watch Harry Potter right now, but because my next door neighbor is getting his freak on with some ratchet hoe! It definitely sounds like they’re having fun, but dude I’m trying to do my work and all I can hear is an exchange of moans and his headboard hitting the wall….. Ugh why, why do I live in such a ghetto complex?

01

So there has been a lot going on in my life recently and it has truly been hard to keep up with all of the chaos in my life and process it as well. So I figured in an effort to try and take some time out of my life and just breathe! I’d blog it all with hopes that it’ll help me stay sane. So here’s to giving my little blog another try!

—-Recently I’ve been really withdrawn and lost in the world. Mainly because  I give, give, and give and in result I’ve created a space for the people closes to me to feel comfortable enough to take, take, and take. This has been the fall out with me and several of my closes friends. They have issues with their significant others, money, or just drama they come running to me. From me they take, love, time, money, and my loyalty. But never, never, ever have I received anything back. 

Here in Oregon I truly only considered one person my best friend. But recently because of this give & take relationship I’ve established with her we aren’t as close. We use to swap secrets and have our own inside jokes. We no longer share that bond or love for one another. I miss her and our friendship; but I just can’t bring myself to talk to her about my feelings. Not because I’m too proud or stubborn but because I just don’t think she really cares if we fix our relationship. And that bothers me a lot not just because I feel like she doesn’t care, but because if this is who I have chosen to surround myself with, why don’t I value me more?